Finally!

They finally found something wrong with Bill! Not anything serious — it’s a sinus infection — but just to have a test come back with a result other than “normal” feels almost giddy.

So Bill has basically been nauseated and exhausted since New Year’s. After going to a doctor and having basic tests run (such as blood work for mono, for allergies like gluten, for terrible things like blood cancer or lupus), he was pronounced perfectly healthy. And, bonus, his cholesterol is way down!!!

Then he had a barium x-ray. That’s where he takes a shot of AlkaSeltzer, then a shot of liquid barium (imagine a chalk milkshake with state fair-type flavoring), and then a machine picks him up and rolls him around while the x-ray camera does it work capturing his upper GI tract. No tumors or ulcers. Perfectly healthy.

So he’s referred to a gastroenterologist who does her own battery of tests. No esoteric mono strains, no HIV (whew, that’s a relief), all internal organs like liver functioning normally, selenium levels within normal limits. Perfectly healthy.

Next there’s a CT scan of his lower GI tract. More barium. Gotta love drinking four barium shakes in an afternoon. He lies on the machine while the scanner thingy whirls around his middle and a little cartoon mister tells him when to hold his breath. Guess what? Perfectly healthy.

Somewhere in the midst of all this fun, the GI stuff has tapered a bit, but he’s started to get mini-migraines. Just the beginning of a migraine. The feeling you get when you know you’re about to get a migraine, but then it doesn’t pan out. Is this all related? Let’s do a CT scan of his head to see. And voila!!

A sinus infection. Ooo! Something to do! A plan of action! This is super exciting! A relief! Affirmation that we’re not just imagining things! He’ll start antibiotics that will take his sinuses back to blissful health. And who knows? Maybe his stomach will repair itself at the same time? And then we can really say and really know, “perfectly healthy.”